Cast of Characters: The Boss

First let me start by saying best. boss. EVER. (Yes I know I used all caps and no I am not yelling. He is just that astounding) There are literally no rules. His whole attitude is, you guys know how to do your job just do it. Micromanaging takes way more effort than he is willing to invest. My new job involves a lot of people that are angry and want to speak to my supervisor and it is great that I can giggle on the inside and give them the number without fear. He is hilarious around the clock. In fact, he is the only person I know of that can tell a story about his one attempt at suicide and have you laughing like crazy with him. Also, he has been with the company a very long time and is nearly impossible to terminate. With this power comes his ability to not give a crap what anyone else in the company thinks or does. If one of the other supervisors comes over having a freak out and trying to order us to do something ridiculous, he simply reminds us that we don’t have to do anything this person says. For Secretary’s Day, we were trying to plan what we should do for our Secretard and The Boss says, “I let her keep her damn job, that’s enough!” So we got her a crappy candle and no card. Tonight we are having a party for The Boss’ wife. Not his real wife because he is gay and not married. This is our mutual friend who he refers to as his wife. We will be drinking copious amounts of alcohol and nibbling on Mexican food. We have discussed embracing drunkorexia tonight so that we will have a good weigh in at Weight Watchers on Tuesday, guess we’ll just see how it goes.

My New Job and the First of My Cast of Characters.

Wow, I guess it is time to blow the dust off of this thing and do some writing.   First off, I got a job.  I got the job right before Christmas (not the one I was applying for in my previous article). This one, was a place where I worked before but there is a new boss and he

is astounding! We
have kind of been friends in the past and we share a mutual good friend and I wasn’t sure how that would be but basically, I have a new really great friend, a new job, and a crazy great boss. In addition to my new job I got new coworkers and several of them are so great to hang out with that it doesn’t seem fair I get paid to hang with them. I can’t say a lot about the work I do at my new job so we will just say that I am in customer service. My clientele are a pretty diverse and unusual group of clients and I hope to be sharing some funny stories in the future as much as I am able to without giving away the nature of my work. Let me first start off by telling you a little about one of the people I call my coworkers:

1.  The Secretard - When I first started my new job this was the only other female in my building.
She isn’t a girly girl which is perfect for me. Prior to this job I worked with the girliest of girls ever and if I had to hear more squealing or join in on discussions about what was more fabulous I would have had to inflict serious bodily harm on someone. The Secretard was kind of new to the office as well and everyone enjoyed her sassy attitude. Then it started – mood swings and weird ailments that we had to hear about ad nauseum including medications, tests run, and arguments with her healthcare providers and her husbands HMO to get umpteen intrusive medical procedures done. So, what started out as this

has now become this

I am not exaggerating (well maybe a little) the change has been dramatic. She comes into work (when she comes into work) and first she is either quiet or cutting up and we never know which to expect. Then, at about the halfway point of the day, she totally freaks out about something . The most recent episode was her going room to room asking us all to hold up our pens and asking who stole her pen. She orders everyone’s pens so they all look the same and there is no way to tell who took her pen. But, we have a steady supply of them so all she has to do is pick up another one from her pen cup. Instead we are all having to provide her with a DNA sample so she can track down the pen thief. Many days after lunch she pulls over the hood on her sweatshirt, puts in her headphones, and only looks up from her clerical duties to glare at anyone in the room. When customers knock on the door instead of just walking in she simply sits at her desk and yells loudly for them to come in. Not once, not twice, but often three or four times until (1) one of us gets annoyed with her yelling and comes up front and opens the door (2) the customer opens the door themselves or (3) the customer leaves. Last week for Administrative Professional’s Day the majority decision was to give her a card with a pink slip in it. But… remember that incredible boss I told you about? Not really big on the confrontational thing. He is hoping she will just either forget to call in one day or decide to quit. He says that the Secretard we know is better than the Secretard we don’t know. Normally I subscribe to this thought process, but I am beginning to develop a fascination with the unknown. It feels oddly like one of those Lifetime movies where there is the too good to be true hard working woman who turns out to be a crazed sociopathic killer with a crazy laugh. First time she shows up to work with a backpack or dressed like a little girl I am crawling under the desk… just sayin.

I have gone on for quite a bit tonight about this coworker of mine. There are 6 coworkers in my building and numerous other assorted characters that I will be happy to share with you in future posts. For now, if anyone is still reading, share with me a secretary or coworker horror story you have in the comments section.

Form-O-Phobia

I am a college educated woman with a respectable IQ and yet, you hand me a form and I drop down to borderline intellectual functioning. Seriously, it is completely crazy. If someone else is filling out the form too, I will totally peek over on their paper to see what they put down for address. My mind goes. completely. blank. It is so frustrating
especially now since I am looking for a job. My resume kicks ass (if I say so myself) but then they want you to fill out the application. I understand that the resume is a summary and an application is considered a factual representation your work history, but man it is such a beating. I had a great interview today, and I think I would really be a great fit for
this place but then they told me to fill out their online application and submit it. (cue deep breathing exercises) So, I get back to the house, fire up the trusty computer, get ready to fill out their form of doom and I am doing okay until I get to the work history section. They want my ENTIRE work history. Yes, I know I just shouted… but seriously the entire thing? Really?? I have been in the workforce off and on for 24 years. I moved a lot when I was younger, and I was also a bit flaky in my younger years. So, we are looking at 24 different entries on a page where they give you space for TWO.  So, I have to create a word document to add to my online application to fill in the other stuff. I have been home for two hours now and all I have done is to write down on a sheet of notebook paper all of my jobs:
1.Ice cream parlor- approx 6 months
1.5 (forgot to list and didn’t want to re-number) telemarketing – 1 week
2. Mexican fast food place – 3 months
3. Locally owned retail store (like a wal-mart) – 4 months
4. Convenience store – 3 months
5. Fast food – 1 1/2 years
6. pizza delivery – 4 months
7. pizza delivery – 2 months
8. large residential facility for mentally handicapped children – 6 months
9. Fast Food – 1 month
10. Church Nursery – 4 months
11. Major retail (soul sucking chain) – 3 months
12. Grocery Store – 5 months
13. Fast Food – 2 weeks
14. Pre-School Teacher – 2 years and 3 months
15. working with learning disabled kids – 1 year and a half
16. Intern at a domestic violence shelter – 8 months
17. paid staff at a domestic violence shelter – 10 months
18. PRN help at domestic violence shelter – 2 or 3 months
19. regular caseworker at mental health center – 1 year
20. specialized caseworker at mental health center -1 year
21. Crisis Intervention staff at mental health center -1 year
22. Staff at referral hotline center -8 months
23. Director of referral hotline center – 2 years

Now, 14 thru 23 are relevant and cover over 10 years of my work history. But noooooooooooooooooo, they want the whole deal. And, they want the whole deal from a woman who was without some of her benefits on her last job because she kept not getting the form done. I really need the job, I think I would like the job, but holy crap!! Does
someone want to do this application for me?

- - Update: I spoke to someone from the agency and they told me 10 years is enough YIPEE!!

Now, will someone please tell me what to put where it asks for address?

But who will take down the minutes?

The other day I picked up a little free weekly paper that is available all over my community.  This woman writes an article about children once a month and her article this month was about creating family traditions.  I nearly had an aneurism.  (Well, not literally, but almost)  Her advice was:

“The best way to start a tradition is to sit down with your spouse and children and decide on a family tradition that works for everyone.
Make sure that everyone participates in the decision and remember
that the tradition doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it should be
something that everyone is excited about participating in.”

I can’t imagine a better way to beat the fun out of something than to have a scheduled family meeting where you debate and determine what the family tradition will be.  I envision that the decision will be made to form a family workgroup and they will come back with charts listing the pro’s and con’s and a timeline for implementation of said tradition.

Imagine if you will that poor little Timmy would like to have the family join him outside for a snowball fight.  So he asks dear father to come play.  Dad grabs his coat and gloves and is on the way out the door when Mom asks where they are going.  She hears of this snowball fight and decides that this is just the sort of family tradition that she might like her family to enjoy as an annual event. But wait, they can’t go outside yet.  They must all sit down at the table and go over how this annual snowball fight tradition will play out. Will there be matching outfits? Will there be a temperature limit? Will there be rules about the size of the snowball? What if it goes a whole winter without snowing? Will there be a substitute activity? Should they schedule a photographer to come capture the moment for the annual Christmas card mailout? What if there are guests at the house? If there are children should a permission slip of some sort be signed? Medical releases? Timmy looks out the window and sees the neighbors outside pelting eachother with snowballs while his dad calls an attorney friend to check on liability issues with snowball related injuries to guests and his mom checks their favorite photographer’s website to see when they can schedule this fun family tradition.

There are times that I see these perfect families and I am so envious and wish my
family had it all together like theirs. But then I get a glimpse into their existence like in this article and I am proud of every disheveled moment in our lives.

Now, if you will excuse me I need to see what my kids have destroyed
while I wrote this.

(they are being WAY too quiet)

Putting it out there

So, I am new to this being home all the time thing and I am going absolutely nuts.  I am seriously an extrovert and it is so strange not having anyone to talk to all day long.  I just signed up for twitter and you are welcome to add me on there.  I haven’t figured out the whole thing yet but it seems like there is a lot you can do.  If anyone has any tips, links, tricks, whatever, feel free to let me know in the comments or shoot me an email at fear.of.landing AT gmail DOT com.

Procrastinators Unite (you know, later)

Okay, I stumbled upon this today and I have to wonder if someone has been monitoring my life.  I don’t know if this guy was the original poster.  If someone else created it than they have my sincere apologies for not crediting them.  I just went with the first posting of it that I could find (well, that I could find without going to many pages deep in a google search).  Anyway, look it over and enjoy.

On being Thankful

To say that this has not been a good month for me would be an understatement.  Sometimes you can get so wound up in the pity party that you forget all the good stuff that you have.  Luckily for me, after years of being a social worker, I have a pretty fair perspective of what “having it bad” really is.  I do not have it bad by any means. 

 I have so many good things and today I am going to list my:

Top 5 things which I am thankful for

1. My faith~ Me and God argue a lot (I never win… go figure) but I have a peace about our relationship regardless of what is going on in my life.

2. My kids~ I don’t know how I lucked out and got such an awesome collection of kids.  They are the snuggliest bunch of kiddos I have ever seen even though they are way beyond snuggly age.  (Well except for the oldest who is the complete opposite of snuggly these days but he always sets that aside to give me a hello and a goodbye hug when he visits)

3. My husband~ He shows up every day for me and does his best for us.

4. My parents~ My parents are saints! Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be raised by saints? Okay, they weren’t saints when they raised me, they have just evolved into it and sometimes it is nice when they slip into their former selves because I love how great they are, but it is their imperfections and faults that I adore the most. 

5. My friends~ Okay I’ll be honest here.  I’ve been in a bit of a good friend defecit lately.  It’s really been a friend slump but I am hopeful for a good upcoming friend season.  I have a couple of really good friends, but those dynamics have changed some and it is a little awkward right now but I know that they care and for that I am super thankful.

So, there you have it.  My bare bones thankful post.  But, considering that my mantra for it isn’t bad is, “We are healthy and we have a roof over our heads.”  It’s obvious I’m not an extravagant person.

I hope that you all are happy and warm and sharing the day with at least one person who thinks you are wonderful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh yeah, and God bless the internet

Thanksgiving Choices

I will apparently compromise for a Thanksgiving meal.  I’m easy like that. 

 See, in the past, we have always gone to my husband’s grandma’s for Thanksgiving lunch and then on to my parents for supper.  My husband’s grandma is not a very nice person.  Her own family complains about how rude she is and how often she hurts their feelings.  Additionaly, his family is very closed to outsiders.  So, when there are family get togethers I end up sitting on a couch or sitting outside staring off into space bored out of my mind.  Then, they do the family photos which only means the bloodline (lest you be confused).  This means that my kids and I sit off on the sidelines while all the family takes pictures.  That combined with his grandma singlehandedly ruining my 40th birthday party led to me deciding to never go to her house again. 

There was no ugly scene.  You will learn that I do not operate this way.  There will always just be something else going on that I must take care of or an illness if necessary.  It has worked a couple of times so far.  As you know, Thanksgiving is right around the corner.  I was mentally preparing my tactic to get out of lunch at his grandmas when my oldest daughter texts me that my parents are going out of town for Thanksgiving.   [cue brakes screeching sound]

Oh no!  I call my parents and they are, indeed, going to be gone.  They are going to see my brother in Florida.  This means that there will be no Thanksgiving meal for me.  When the reality sinks in I realize there is only one thing to do:

I’m going to my husband’s families’ Thanksgiving celebration.  [only because I think he would seriously be pissed at me if I asked him to bring me home some leftovers cause I already considered doing that]

So I had this blog…

I was just starting to do pretty well with it and the people in my real life were starting to find it.  I wasn’t worried about it because I am generally a pretty open person. (or so I thought)  Seriously, I can’t write about anything on that dang site now.  My adult children read it, my former co-workers read it, my “I wish they were former friends” read it.  So everytime I think about posting something I have to think about my audience and the impact/explanations/apologies I am going to have to make.  So, there has been a severe lack of posting. Hopefully I can get back on the ball here and regain some of my favorite readers, aka the people I don’t have to censor myself for.

Also, let me end this post with one last word of advice.  If you think you are the type of person that never censors themselves, you may want to make certain that you really are that kind of person before you open your blog up to everyone in your life.

Am I coming or going?

I looked up “not knowing whether you were coming or going” and found:

not know if/whether you are coming or going -to be unable to think clearly and decide what to do because you have so many things to deal with. 

 And that is exactly the feeling that I have all the time.  So, I’ve decided to write about what goes on in my brain.  Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes disorganized (who am I kidding – always disorganized)  But whatever it is, it’s me little ol’ Ms. Understood here for your entertainment and my release.